5 Procrastination Patterns That Keep Us Stuck
By The Tiara Collective
What is one of the most frequently reported causes of stress, anxiety, guilt, shame, and inner turmoil reported by our clients? It’s what we call procrastination, or putting off what we think should be done today.
Successful, smart, committed, passionate, creative women around the world suffer daily because of the weight of what they have not yet accomplished, what they did not yet get done, what they have put off one more day. Consider that feeling the stress and anxiety that comes with what we call procrastination is an acceptable and insidious pattern of self-harm that collectively we need to shift.
As we witness this phenomenon, we see an internal pattern that needs to be transformed, and we have practical tips for ending each day from a place of pride and progress.
Turning Procrastination Inside Out
True leadership development often starts on the inside. What beliefs, inner dialogues, personal expectations, and belief systems need to be illuminated and released in order to both be the leader we desire to be while being fulfilled and content with our experience of life.
When it comes to procrastination, we are observing some sneaky, self-deprecating patterns that are sabotaging our ability to fully enjoy life, our ability to be as productive as we desire, and our actual health and wellbeing. If any of these patterns sound familiar to you, now is the time to let them go.
Procrastination Pattern 1: Focusing On What’s Not Done
What we each achieve is amazing. In fact only you know what you do each day, each week, and each month to do what you do for your work, your family, your home, your community, your neighborhood, your pets … The list goes on and on. We are living in a crazy time when there are more and more ideas coming at us from YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest. There is more information available about what to eat, where to shop, how to vacation. We all feel the deep need to be politically engaged, saving the environment, contributing to society, and planning for our futures.
We literally cannot do it all. And what we accomplish, is awesome.
Behavioral scientists and psychologists have told us for years that what the brain focuses on expands in our reality. When we focus on what the three things we have not gotten done today, it feels like that’s an immense part of our reality. We feel behind, depleted, exhausted, and like we’ll never catch up.
If we shifted our focus to pay attention to what we actually do accomplish — without minimizing it or being self-deprecating — we would begin to see our accomplishments and feel a sense of progress, pride, and momentum.
Suggested Practice: To make the first inner shift, end each day with a list of what you accomplished, big or small. Resist adding on what you didn’t do. Feel grateful and acknowledge yourself for those items.
Procrastination Pattern 2: Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Sometimes at a family dinner or buffet, you’ll hear a grown-up say to a child, “I think your eyes were bigger than your stomach” meaning that everything looked so good on the table, you actually put much more on your plate than what you can actually eat.
We put too much on our plates every day. We make long, ambitious lists of what must be done on a regular basis. Yet it’s impossible to complete all the items. Then, instead of laughing at ourselves and saying, “ I did it again! I put too much on my plate!” we feel like a failure, anxious because we have failed to live up to the unmeetable standard we set for ourself.
This is one of those sneaky ways we sabotage our energy, our self esteem, and our mental capacity to keep going. When we are really in the thick of it, we think that others have put those expectations on us, yet it’s more often the case that we have set those expectations ourselves, based on false ideas of what’s expected.
Suggested Practice: Feel free to do a brain dump of everything you can think of that you want to accomplish. This gets it out of your mind and onto paper. Then choose the 1 - 3 items that you will do that day and do them.
Procrastination Pattern 3: Thinking Something’s Wrong
We continue to be very, very hard on ourselves. The minute we don’t have something done that we think we should do, we call it procrastination, which is a term loaded with guilt and perceived as a problem. We think there’s something wrong with us that needs to be fixed. We quickly jump to using catastrophic language like “I’m a failure” or absolutes like “I never” or “I always.”
Yet when our best friend oversleeps on a Saturday and misses a spinning class, we say, “You must have needed the rest.”
Consider that when you are putting off items on your list, that nothing’s wrong. That your system is prioritizing an infinite number of things and pushing off what really does not need to be done at that moment. If it does feel disappointing, instead of beating yourself up, have a compassionate dialogue with yourself about what happened, what you need, and what you want to have happen in the future. If you are so far down the rabbit hole that you cannot have a reasonable conversation with yourself, then it’s time to phone a trusted friend or colleague. Be open to allowing them to support you.
Suggested Practice: When you observe yourself procrastinating or putting off items on your list, consider that nothing is wrong. This is a natural process. Begin to dialogue with yourself, asking question like: What do I most need right now? Why is that item on my list? Do I need to tell someone I’m no longer doing that?
Procrastination Pattern 4: Calling It Procrastination
Language is powerful. What we call something gives it meaning, gives it life. When you have a long lists of ideas and action items, then you only do some of them, that does not mean you are procrastinating. It means you are prioritizing.
Of course, we have all experienced that inner tug-of-war when we really, really, really need to get something done and we keep putting it off. If it’s truly something that needs to be done, our list at the end of this blog of Tips for Breaking Through Procrastination Today can help you!
Suggested Practice: Shift your language from “I”m procrastinating” to “I’m prioritizing” and believe yourself!
Procrastination Pattern 5: Resisting Resistance
When we are resisting making that phone call, doing laundry, sending out holiday cards, writing that email we often panic. We resist the resistance. Even worse, we may allow the resistance to distract us with something that fills our time, but then makes us feel worse about ourselves. Watching a few TV shows, napping, scrolling through social media are all perfectly valid activities that serve a purpose in our lives — when chosen intentionally and enjoyed. When they are unconsciously fueled by resistance, we often feel worse and worse about our lack of action.
Instead of ignoring or distracting ourselves from the resistance, use it as data. What am I resisting? Why am I resisting it? Does this mean it’s something I no longer should do (remember: we think we should do WAY too much)? Or is this something I should jump into?
Suggested Practice: Learn to discern between resistance and “not the right time”. It can be very, very valuable to trust your instinct when something just doesn’t need to be done. We all say we need more time in our lives. Resistance can be a wonderful data point telling you when to let something go.
Tips For Breaking Through Procrastination Today
As discussed above, begin transforming procrastination by:
Focusing on what you do accomplish on a daily basis
Choosing 1 to 3 realistic priorities each day and accomplishing them
Being compassionate with yourself, understanding this is a natural process
Calling it prioritization
Using resistance as a data-point to make conscious choices
Once you have upgraded your relationship with yourself and what we call procrastination, you may find you need a boost to breakthrough residual resistance and jump into action. Here’s what our Tiara community says works best:
Know why you are choosing to accomplish task. Say it out loud to yourself.
Break the task down into smaller steps. Start with one step.
Tell someone else you are going to do it and by-when. Keep the deadline.
Hand it off to someone else better equipped to do it.
Tell everyone you’re not doing it. Let it go!
Re-scope it. Do the task so it’s good enough instead of perfect.
Imagine how it will feel when it’s complete.
Give yourself a set time to rest, then come back to it.
Avoid comparing yourself to others at all times, in all ways.
Celebrate accomplishment.
