Are We Responsible for Our Own Lives?
When we accomplish an inspiring goal like getting a promotion, running a marathon, publishing a book, or raising successful children it’s easier to say, “Yes, I am responsible for my life!” I did that. I set those goals, had those dreams, and took the actions to succeed.
When we are stuck in our career, find out our sister has breast cancer, or get in a car accident, we’d like to say “No, I’m not responsible.” It’s the glass ceiling. It’s an illness. It’s the other driver’s fault. These are life circumstances and I would never choose them. In instances like these, it seems we have no control, no power, and no responsibility.
What’s the truth? Are we responsible for our lives or not? Do we have creative power or are we victims of circumstances? Well, I know enough after receiving my philosophy degree to realize … we don’t know. You can find a theory to substantiate whatever case you’d like to make. And this is good news!
Why? Because this means we get to choose. At every moment of every day in the face of every circumstance we get to choose. And because we always get to choose, we always have power. Below are three things we can choose every moment of every day. By making these choices you will feel more powerful, improve your ability to produce results, and enjoy life more along the way.
Focus
What we focus on expands in our experience. Are we focused on the problems and issues in a situation? Or are we focused on future possibilities? I know it often feels like we must focus on the problems to fix them. This is not true. Focusing on the problem often creates more problems, while focusing either on solutions – or even something else entirely – produces a better result. You can choose what you are focused on right now. Practice: Focus on what you’re thankful for the rest of the day.
Mindset
Our mindsets (or beliefs) cause us to act in a certain way, therefore producing results that support our mindset. Most of these mindsets we’ve developed just by growing up (I like big cities/I hate big cities) and the good news is we can change our minds. When we choose to change our minds about a situation, miracles occur. Practice: Identify what you believe in a situation (I am stuck), then choose another belief that also feels true, but is more motivating (I know I always have options).
Actions
You can say yes or no to any action on any day. Studies show that women waste at least 6 hours a week doing things that they do not want to do. Studies also show that women who say “no” are considered more powerful, respected, and effective. Although it seems like we must get everything done today, that is false. We can choose what we do. Practice: Be clear about why you are choosing to do each thing today. Be honest, not enlightened. It is fine to say “for the money” or “because I agreed to” or “to avoid conflict”. Also notice when it’s something more inspiring like “I’m committed to keeping my word” or “I value honesty” or “I know this is my priority.”
The bottom line is that we are responsible for the experience of our lives in any circumstances. We always have power, we always have choice.
About the Author
Betsy Sobiech, a Lead True Global Leader, is an expert in organization development, human behavior, training, systems thinking, communications and coaching.
Betsy has worked with organizations such as Exxon Mobil Aviation, Hewitt Associates, Nicor Gas, Clearbrook, Center for Sight and Hearing, Mercy Home for Boys and Girls, St. Gregory the Great High School, Standard Parking, Allstate, McDonald’s, Mesirow Financial, and PepsiCo.
Read more from Betsy Sobiech below.
In Tiara, we work with the concept of generating clarity in our lives. Over the years, we have worked with thousands of women helping them get clear about what they truly desire.