How To Get Through Hard Times
Surprising, devastating circumstances happen daily around the world and in our own lives. If you scan your personal headlines from the past few weeks, you might be able to point out at least one heart-wrenching circumstance. Whether it’s a breakup, a loss of a loved one, or a loss of your job, these events can be a painful experience and cause you to feel out of control. As a leader of your own life, it is important to know how to get through hard times and regain your leadership when things feel out of control.
What Happens When We Go Through Hard Times?
Whenever you face surprising, painful circumstances you may experience a flood of emotions. This is a natural reaction caused by your chemically-based stress-response system.
Once the stress-response has passed, you’ll notice that your habits take over. You may have certain rituals that help you move past the painful experience. For example, when you go through a breakup you might dive into the box of chocolates to ease the heartache. When you lose a loved one, you may find comfort in listening to sad music or sharing memories with relatives.
You have chosen some of these habits based on your values and your strengths. You may have collected some of these habits subconsciously because of past experience, your environment, or what others are doing.
Form A Habitual Response To Inspired Action.
These habits may be beneficial in coping with the painful experience in the moment. Yet, sometimes it takes more conscious actions to help yourself cope long-term. Follow these three steps to help you get through hard times and regain leadership in your life when things feel out of control.
Step 1: Accept All Of Your Emotions.
You will find that the emotions you deny during challenging times will come out later. Pause to notice and name all the emotions you felt or are feeling because of the circumstances. Try to not resist or push away any of the emotions that come up
Step 2: Observe Your Habitual Response.
Observe your habitual response to the painful experience. Do the actions you take to get past the painful experience make you feel better or worse? Are they supporting your values? Are you using your strengths? Are they motivated by inspiration, or are you reacting from fear?
Step 3: Choose Your Source Of Motivation.
Once you witness your habits in action, investigate if the source of your action comes from the most powerful place. Fear-based actions and habits tend to make you feel more fearful. Commitment-based actions come from a sense of purpose, vision, inspiration, or desired outcome. These actions can make you feel better, are more effective, and infuse those around you with useful energy. Your commitment-based action might still be to confront an issue, take a stand, or solve a problem. The difference is that you are not taking those actions reactively (which is past-focused). You are taking them responsibly (which is future-focused).
Help Yourself Through Hard Times
As a woman who leads in her work, communities, and family, it is important that you first learn to lead yourself through hard times. Only then can lead your team through hard times, which is part of your job as a leader. This is not easy, yet it is essential.
About the Author
Betsy Sobiech, a Lead True Global Leader, is an expert in organization development, human behavior, training, systems thinking, communications and coaching.
Betsy has worked with organizations such as Exxon Mobil Aviation, Hewitt Associates, Nicor Gas, Clearbrook, Center for Sight and Hearing, Mercy Home for Boys and Girls, St. Gregory the Great High School, Standard Parking, Allstate, McDonald’s, Mesirow Financial, and PepsiCo.
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