Ask and You Shall Receive
We all have needs: for love, affection, attention, support, advice, a helping hand. But often we feel we’re not getting enough of what we need, whether from our co-workers, bosses, significant others, children, or friends.
Why does this happen? Because we aren’t in touch with our own needs, we expect others to know what we need, or we don’t ask for help or make requests of others because we think we should handle it all ourselves.
Often it doesn’t even occur to us that need help or that we could ask for support. A leader in the coaching field named Julio Olalla, once said, “The degree to which you don’t make requests for help from others is directly correlated with the degree to which you suffer in your life.” In Tiara, we emphasize the important of making requests and the willingness to be vulnerable and ask others for support. This is a vital part of living in community with others. Ask, and You Shall Receive.
Here are some steps you can take:
Tune into your emotions. If you are upset, angry, overwhelmed, feeling ignored or unsupported, it is a good sign that you are in need of something you are not getting. When you pause and tune into your emotions, you take an important first step to identify your needs.
Get in touch with what you need. Once you recognize your emotions, take a moment and think about what would make you feel better. It may help to jot down your thoughts on paper. Consider what you need from others and what you need from yourself. When we know what we need we are better able to make specific requests and take action.
Communicate your needs in a gentle and direct way. Other people can’t read your mind and know what you need unless you tell them. You have a better chance of getting your needs met when you are upfront about what you want. Before you express your needs, it is a good idea to check in and make sure the other person is receptive. Do your best to avoid nagging or making demands. The people in your life are more likely to hear and respond to clear requests communicated in a loving, respectful way.
Let people love you. When other people offer to help you (even if you haven’t asked), do you reflexively say “no”? Do you tell yourself, “its okay, I’ll just do it myself” or “I don’t want to put others out or inconvenience them”? Consider that when you don’t let other people help you or meet your needs, you don’t let them love and support you.
